License Plates and Pipes and Drums Bands

“Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.” Groucho Marx
“Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.” Mae West
“When a man makes a woman his wife, it's the highest compliment he can pay her, and it's usually the last.” Helen Rowland
It must be something in the water. There is no other explanation for the deranged behavior of the Commission on Judicial Conduct, fresh from censoring a District Court Judge for playing poker with a few friends at an Eagles meeting four years ago and removing a Family Court Judge for something that happened 13 years before he became a judge. A creature of the New York State Constitution, the Commission is charged to “receive, initiate, investigate and hear complaints with respect to the conduct, qualifications, fitness to perform or performance of official duties of any judge or justice of the unified court system, in the manner provided by law.” It can then determine that a judge can by admonished, censured or removed from office. There is nothing about making policy, issuing reports, soliciting comments from bar associations or other silly behaviors not part of the prime directive of the Constitution. So I was astounded to learn that the Commission has paused in its daily work to issue a report on “whether or not the Rules on Judicial Conduct may be violated by the use of judicial license plates…” I know, your reaction is, “You’re kidding me right?” Nope. And to top it off they have solicited comments from “various judicial, bar and civic associations.” Well, just what stop on the train of bureaucracy gives these jackanapes the right to waste our money on a futile quest to answer to the burning question of, as they put it, “what is the purpose of judicial license plates?” I have no clue, but they seem to justify this because a footnote in one of their own decisions (Matter of Schilling) stated that the Commission has “decided to issue a public report” on this issue. Well, golly gee, if they told themselves to do it in a footnote that certainly meets constitutional muster. Sure it does.
Just who are these guys? They are led by Robert H. Tembeckjian. In 2005 he wrote in the New York Times, “Judges are among the most powerful of public servants.” But not so powerful that they can have their own license plates like professional engineers, podiatrists and visiting nurses. After all, the DMV says that, “We are delighted to offer these professionals another way to be recognized for their accomplishments and express pride in their education, training and service to the public." Not so our judicial public servants I guess. All of this is even more galling because there is not one reported decision from the Commission that found that the use of a judicial license plate had anything to do with improper judicial behavior. But who’s counting?
Of course, this is not without a cost, but then again how does the Commission justify its yearly budget of just shy of $5.4 million of taxpayer largesse? As Mr. Tembeckjian told the New York State Senate this year, “In a microcosmic way the story of this small agency from 2007 to the present is an example of government at its best.” I beg to differ Mr. T. In the same report he lamented the “continued sacrifice in the coming year” by having to make do with a staff of only 50, one less car and the suspension of valuable training programs, presumably on license plate etiquette and the like. All this is for the privilege of disciplining an average of 20 judges a year. If this is the kind of nonsense our judges have to face on a regular basis, then maybe our profession is truly on its way down the sinkhole of dystopia. See you at the bottom.
On a cheerier note, a few days ago we finally got a gander on the new rules requiring 50 hours of pro bono legal service prior to becoming a lawyer. They are contained in 22 NYCRR §520.16 but of course they not yet on the websites of the Court of Appeals or the New York Board of Bar Examiners. They include a provision that such services must be under the supervision of an attorney, a judge employed by the court system or a law school faculty. Thankfully you can complete the service anywhere in the world, but not by participating in “partisan political activities” whatever that means. So, these poor shemozzles must “assist in the provision of legal services” for 50 hours for bupkis before they can practice law. Just to state the exact opposite of reality, the Chief Judge told the public, “On every level it makes sense, for new lawyers, for the profession as a whole, for the legal services providers, for the judges. So I am really upbeat about it." So, rejoice ye law school grads. While 45% of you may never find a job practicing law, at least you can be upbeat about spending 50 hours of your spare time provided you can find a lawyer or law school professor who will certify your efforts to “assist in providing legal services” to the great unwashed.
OK, OK, enough of this Sturm und Drang about the stupid machinations of our court bureaucracy. Isn’t there some substantive gem over the past few months that can aid us in the practice of matrimonial law? Not much, at least until the Court of Appeals decides whether lap dances are subject to sales taxes sometime later this year. However, the Fourth Department did tell us that you need to plead what you want in those Family Court petitions, because if you haven’t asked, then you do not receive. Such was the dilemma of Gregory Kairis who was awarded sole custody by the Family Court only to have everything undone because he asked for “50/50 custody” in his petition, which the Fourth Department interpreted somehow to mean “a request for joint legal and physical custody.” As they used to say in ancient Rome, “praemonitus, praemunitus.” The same day, the Fourth Department held that a mother can receive support for a child who works full time and filed individual income tax returns. Why? Because she pays for his food, gas and cell phone demonstrating “that the child was not economically independent and self-supporting.” Poor baby.
Well as Porky Pig says, “That’s all folks.” But one more thing. Did you know our financially strapped court system has its own Pipes and Drums Band? They’re pretty good too.